Pear vs. Apple [0-3]

I am recounting my experiences with Apple in hopes of making this world a better place and saving you from having to go through the same thing.

Status: Currently on Battle #4.

I consider myself a relatively patient person, but Apple sure does know how to push my buttons! Disclaimer: I’ll try not to include any expletives, but that is unlikely.

Battle #1:
09/09/08 11:00pm EDT — Happy Birthday! I’m buying you the new iPOD nano and to make sure it gets to you on time I’ll spend the extra monies for expedited, 2 day shipping. Confirmation number received, but no email confirmation from Apple. Eh, it’s okay, the order still went through!

09/10/08 11:00am EDT — Order CANCELLED. So I call and complain and the rep has no idea why it was cancelled so we’ll go ahead put in another order for you okay? Okay. AND we’ll waive the expedited shipping for you! Oh, why thank you, Apple! I love you. (still no email confirmation, btw).

Battle #2:
09/10/08 9:30pm EDT — Order #2 CANCELLED. Are you freaking serious? “Hello, representative #3, my order was cancelled again, TELL ME WHY.” — They think it’s because my credit card has some sort of daily limit and I spent too much monies. Eff that you lame old piece of crap. Nothing is wrong with my card, but FINE here’s another one! “For your troubles we’ll give you free Overnight shipping!” Thanks Apple, now it might actually get here earlier than when I first ordered it! I don’t love you anymore, but thank you! Oh and make sure I get an email confirmation this time, please? I’ll give you another email if I have to. “no problem ma’am, you will be receiving one shortly.” –> No email was received.

Battle #3:
09/11/08 9:45am EDT — Order #3 CANCELLED. F#&% YOU, Pear. I feel like I’d been getting punched to the ground and kicked on. Let me get one punch in, won’t you? “Hi, rep #4, I hate you. It’s not the effing card, now go and tell me how to get a f*&#ing IPOD without your crazy ass system cancelling it!” (I was more diplomatic than that, but it’s what I really wanted to say). “It seems that there was something wrong with the shipping address, but I will personally make sure that it will not automatically get cancelled again.” I asked if it would help if I simply just changed the address and she said it wasn’t necessary. Well you better be right, or else I will make you give me the ipod for free. I didn’t ask for any more compensation for my “troubles,” because I honestly now just want the damn thing, free shipping or not. Would it be easier if I just flew to the warehouse and plucked it up on my own? (note: Email Confirmation RECEIEVED! — Does this actually mean something? I’m not sure, but hopefully it is a good sign.)

09/11/08 10:00am EDT — My mom calls me and tells me that a representative from Apple called the house and left a message for me. Rep #234567 wants me to call him back to confirm the shipment on Order#3. Well too late you @#$%^, I’ve already ordered another one. So I call again and ask rep #345678 why I needed to confirm the shipment, why they called my house and not my cell, and if I would need to confirm the shipment on the 4th order. The phone call was useless — this rep didn’t know anything just like the 4 other ones. At least I made sure iPOD #3 (or #2 and #1) wasn’t still out there waiting for me.

09/11/08 2:50pm EDT — For the past 5 hours I had been religiously checking the status of my evil little nano. It had said, as shown above, “Not Yet Shipped” until this exact time. It now reads CANCELLED. I think at that point, I had become numb and drained from the unnecessary war I have been fighting so hard in. In the midst of talking to my co-worker about my options, I receive a phone call (unknown number) on my cell. I almost didn’t answer for fear of receiving a call from some telemarketer for car insurance (it’s been happening to me a lot lately). With some minor hesitation, I answered it…”Hello…?” – “Hi, is this Pear? I’m ____ from Apple.” Oh, the sigh of relief! I could feel my 5th mini-heart attack quickly dissipating. Bob, I shall call him, tells me to confirm my shipping address and understands that I have been going through some “difficulties” with my order, but will make sure that my shipment goes through successfully. I told him that it still says cancelled on my screen, but he tells me that it’s fine! Don’t worry about it! PSH. I will worry, but I’ll take your word for it… for now.

Thank you, Bob, thank you.

I hope you get here safely, nano. All you have to do is get on the plane, I believe in you!


I do, however, draw the line at 4. If necessary, Battle #5 will go down at an Apple Store near you. (Tyson’s Corner). I will bring the rabid bats that I’m supposed to be writing about instead of having lengthy phone calls with your reps with me for support.

P.S. Happy Birthday — please enjoy the fruits of all my hard work.

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